Posted by
one hot minute on Thursday, August 17, 2006 7:30:19 PM
Unless you've been hiding in a cave in Afghanistan, you're likely aware of the forthcoming New Line Cinema release, "Snakes on a Plane."
The genesis of the film came about several years ago when some film execs were kicking around script ideas. Attention turned to a David Dallesandro-penned script called "Venom," which was about about throwing together two of the biggest fears people have; the fear of flying, and the fear of snakes.
Screenwriter Dallesandro's premise was to identify two phobias independent of one another, then, throw them together and imagine the chaos.
Everyone is entitled to their own phobias, but leave it to Hollywood liberals to fear snakes more than Al-Qaeda, especially when paired with the fear of flying.
My fear of snakes and flying rates way down my list of phobias, which includes the following :
Coca-Cola discontinuing its 'Diet Coke with Splenda;'
getting caught in traffic on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles;
a Democrat in the White House;
dating a nice, cute chick only to find out she's a liberal;
failure of UN Resolution 1701;
my LSU Tigers losing their September 16 game to Auburn;
and uh, another terrorist attack.
A snake might be deadly, but a terrorist is deadly.
Flying can be scary---especially when a screaming baby is seated behind you---but I guarantee your flight will be more scary when a screaming terrorist is sitting behind you.
Hey, I've got a great idea for a film title; how about "Terrorists on a Plane" ??
That sounds scary !
Naturally, any film exec who would dare to recommend such a script would be met with ridicule and countered with comments such as, "Silly boy, are you a Republican ?"
"Everyone knows that evil Karl Rove was behind that whole 9/11 thing," or, "9/11 was a conspiracy by the neo-cons, the Illuminati, and Skull & Bones."
Given Hollywood's low risk initiative and inclination toward repeating the formula of a proven box office success, if "Snakes on a Plane" should perform well at the box office it won't be surprising to see other screenplays greenlighted which similarly combine another fear with flying.
Only like "Snakes on a Plane," the film titles would reflect the deep-down fears of elitist, left-wing Hollywood film execs who don't fear terrorists....not even on a plane.
So, based on Hollywood executives' fears, here are the Top 9 Screenplays Which Left-Wing Hollywood Film Executives Will Greenlight Following the Success of "Snakes on a Plane."
9. "Southern NASCAR Dads on a Plane."
8. "Boy Scout Troop 115 from Dubuque, Iowa on a Plane."
7. "An In-Flight screening of 'The Passion of the Christ' on a Plane."
6. "Charlton Heston on a Plane."
5. "Wal-Mart employees from store # 37 in Jackson, Mississippi on a Plane."
4. "Brit Hume & The Fox News All-Stars on a Plane."
3. "Church-going Soccer Moms Who Drive SUVs And Homeschool Their Children on a Plane."
2. "Vice President Dick Cheney Wearing a Hunting Cap on a Plane."
1. "Ann Coulter on a Plane."