Posted by
one hot minute on Friday, August 18, 2006 1:50:04 PM
Our beloved Townhall blogger and Salem Radio talker Hugh Hewitt was absent for a week and a half, as he, the fetching Mrs. Hewitt, and literature scholar David Allen White were on a "Cruise to Alaska" with radio listeners---or were they ?
While we are creatures of an age which has produced space travel, seedless watermelons, and videos of ESPN sports highlights on one's cell phone, it does seem unimaginable that Hugh was neither able to broadcast his show from a cruise ship along the coast of Alaska, nor provide regular blogging updates during those past ten days.
Which again begs the question---was Hugh truly on a cruise to Alaska ?
Upon Hugh's return behind the microphone on Thursday, Hugh provided anecdotal evidence as proof that he was in Alaska, however I suspect that the future on-air phone calls Hugh promises from the tree-hugging 'Joey' at the lighthouse on Admiralty Island will probably be made by Hugh's faithful employee Moses, from a treehouse in a Laguna Beach backyard.
While we all thoroughly enjoyed Hugh's radio fill-in---the superb Jed Babbin---as well as the continued excellence by Hugh's current guest blogger Dean Barnett, here are the Top 9 explanations for what Hugh Hewitt was really doing the past 10 days.
9. Hugh was actually looking for buried treasure in the Carribean, inspired by events portrayed in "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest"
8. Hugh lost a bet with the fetching Mrs. Hewitt, and actually spent the past ten days pulling weeds, polishing china, and alphabetizing the Hewitt wine cellar.
7. Hugh was actually busy raising money for Netroots, in order to strategically help those wackos further alienate the national electorate from voting for their Ned Lamont appeasement-type candidates in November.
6. Hugh was actually sequestered in an undisclosed screening room with Emmitt the Unblinking Eye, who was forcing Hugh to watch every film from every list of Emmitt's which Hugh has stated on the air, "I've never even heard of that movie."
5. Hugh was actually vacationing in France where he and the fetching Mrs. Hewitt wore funny berets, and feasted on bree cheese and red wine---but was too embarrassed to admit it to his radio audience. "Cruising in Alaska" sounded like a good cover.
4. Hugh was actually giving an inspirational speech to his beloved Ohio State Buckeyes football team, where he got carried away and it evolved into a week long campaign rally for 'Ken Blackwell for Governor.'
3. Hugh lost a bet with Generallisimo, and actually had to pay up by riding "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" at Disneyland 50 times a day for ten straight days.
2. Hugh was actually giving the keynote address at the 8th Annual Neo-Conservative Cabal which met for a week-long 'strategy and talking points seminar' at an underground bunker in West Virginia.
1. Envious about fellow Townhall blogger Mary Katharine Ham's recent appearances in Chris Muir's daily political cartoon, "Day by Day," Hewitt actually spent the last ten days seeking a cartoon strip to feature him. Rumor has it, he tracked down cartoonist Jim Davis and spent a week demanding that he be added to Davis' "Garfield" strip.