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one hot minute on Thursday, October 19, 2006 1:03:28 PM
She occasionally appears in Chris Muir's "Day by Day" political cartoon, and makes guest appearances at Malkin's v-log "Vent," but after witnessing the inaugural episode of her v-log, "Ham Nation," it is apparent that Townhall.com's Mary Katharine Ham is a future star in the world of television punditry.
While rebellious youths during the 1980's raised their fists in the air, demanding "I WANT MY MTV !" of their cable providers, the first decade of the 21st century will likewise see rebellious adults---otherwise known as conservatives---pumping their fists in the air demanding "I WANT MY HAM NATION !" of their cable providers.
Fox News honcho Roger Ailes would do wise to give her a shot on air, perhaps beginning with a half-hour show on the weekend, where she could humorously aggregate the past week's news highlights---and lowlights.
Mr. Ailes, Sir, are you listening ? One benefit is that MKH and her staff would not elicit costly production overhead---after all, they'd probably just stick to sketching out their segments on cocktail napkins.
Meanwhile, here are the Top 9 television programs on which Mary Katharine Ham will likely make a guest appearance.
9. MKH guest-hosts for Alex Trebek on "Jeopardy!" where she handpicks specific categories never before used on the show, such as "Reagan's tax cuts," "Winston Churchill's speeches," "University of Georgia football," "Van Halen song lyrics," and "those handsome Manning boys."
8. MKH guest-hosts for Stephen Colbert on Comedy Channel's "The Colbert Report" and in her opening monologue, she out-smarts Colbert's left-wing, post-modern ironic crowd when she states, "Good evening, I'm Mary Katharine Ham, and unlike Mr. Colbert, I pronounce the letter "t" in my name---as does my first guest, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney."
7. MKH guest-hosts for Howie Mandel on NBC's "Deal or No Deal," and turns the show's format upside down by forcing Congress' leading earmark recepients to justify to angry constituents exactly why they are receiving suitcases full of taxpayer dollars for projects such as 'the Charlie Rangel anti-American Policy Institute' and 'the Nancy Pelosi Beauty Academy.'
6. MKH rides along with a patrol officer on an episode of a "COPS" episode filmed in Washington D.C. where a small-time thief who breaks into parked cars is caught red-handed with a trunk full of stolen items. Incredibly, included among the contraband is a reporter's notebook of interviews. The thief adamantly claims the notebooks are his own, until he is directly questioned about page 3 of one of them which says, "I heart Bill Hemmer," and "Tax cuts are sexy !"
5. MKH writes an Emmy award winning script for NBC's series "Las Vegas."
She pens an episode where a fictional Nevada Democrat Senator is caught in a shady real estate deal for redevelopment land in Vegas. In the episode, the Senator's deal is written out on a cocktail napkin at a casino, and is documented by the casino's security camera. The episode climaxes when series star tough guy James Caan opens up a can of whoop on both the crooked Senator and the Senator's business partner, who is revealed to have unsavory mob connections.
4. MKH guest-hosts the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric causing the overnight Nielsen ratings to double Couric's anemic rating of the previous evening, merely on account of MKH's devoted Townhall readers tuning in. When MKH turns Couric's usual format on its head by actually broadcasting positive revelations from Iraq, it elicits 85 year old viewer Doris Johnson of Boston to call the network and complain, "Is she allowed to show good news during war time ? Walter or Dan would never have pulled an unpatriotic stunt like that !"
3. MKH guest-hosts a celebrity edition of "The Dating Game," where bachelors Fox News host Bill Hemmer, NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning, and Los Angeles Galaxy soccer star Landon Donovan are all invited to participate in the panel. MKH navigates being both the host and the prize date for one of the aforementioned eligible bachelors, with questions such as, "Bachelor # 2, if you could instantly elevate any current Appellate Court judge to the Supreme Court, who would it be and why ?"
2. MKH guest-hosts for ESPN's SportsCenter. Among the many highlights of her broadcast, she announces that her alma mater Georgia defeated heated rival Florida 35-7 earlier in the day, and then during the close of the telecast, she opens her suit blazer to reveal a t-shirt which reads, "Eli Manning ,I'm your girl !"
1. MKH guest-hosts at the MTV Music Video Awards where she exclaims, "M-Kat is in the house !" then breaks into a free-style rap duet about Porkbusters.org with her all-time favorite rapper, Young MC.